Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
