you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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