I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize