What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
