Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
