He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
