I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
