Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
