And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
