God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
