i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
