people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
