hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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