and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
