just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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