Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
