so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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