Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
