i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i love accidental penises.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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