Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
