he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
