Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
