And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
