The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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