mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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