my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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