just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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