dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
