We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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