Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
