I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
