Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize