You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
