You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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