The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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