I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
