I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
