first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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