o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
