It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
