rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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