260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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