Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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