What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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