I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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