walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
