I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The air taste purple.
Randomize
