pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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