Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I supernannyed him into submission
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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