I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
