My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
