just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
