dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
