I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
