Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize