I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
