i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
