Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
