At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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