i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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