Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
