he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
