I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
