3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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