I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
