he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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