You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
