i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
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I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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