i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this beer tastes like vomit already
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
