Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she smelled like a LAN party
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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