Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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