he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
