And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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