I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
