Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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